i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
