gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
