i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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