How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
