She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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