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One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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