I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
