Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can text with my tongue
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
