When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
