my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
too bad you live with your parents still
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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