Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Less talking, more tequila
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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