Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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