What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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