why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
