phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dick very happy bro
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
