I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
