Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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