He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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