I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
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