You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You pole danced in your parka.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
