I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
