I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
