In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
