my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
