Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
