his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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