My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
