I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
