CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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