Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
