FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
