I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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