so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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