i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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