Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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