; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
