Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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