I'm so fucking centered right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
