dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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