Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
