Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
