I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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