Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
