I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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