were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Are we still banned from the library?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
