Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
