Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
