You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Come on in and take your pants off
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