i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
