i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
