I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
