not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We are all done wearing pants today
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
