Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just high enough for therapy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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