i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
