well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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