My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
