Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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